That’s not the entire point of the post, but I thought I’d put it out there up front in case there was any doubt.  And you should be aware of this fact given the nature of the rest of this post.

(I’m aware some of you will respond violently to my statement. I’m prepared. Please proceed to the comments section of this post and let ‘er rip.)

A few weeks ago, and unrelated to the present time of year which lends itself to the making of resolutions, I decided that I should probably clean up my diet.

So … I put myself on a diet.  What kind of diet, you ask?

Here it is: “stop eating ALL THE FOOD”. Pretty out-there, I know.

The only problem with said radical program is that I like ALL THE FOOD.  I am not a picky eater.  I’ll eat almost anything.  And I’ll enjoy all of it. (Except sea urchin. Kacy, forgive me.)

I’m also like a dog that will eat until all of the food is gone in one sitting, so portion control becomes an issue.

Solution: make healthier, bulky food.

I also happen to be a big fan of cabbage.  It’s not sexy, but there it is.

What happens when I combine my love of mayo and cabbage and my desire to eat something that will fill me up and not out (sorry, I had to) is coleslaw, jazzed up.

Spicy Asian Slaw
serves 2

2 cups shredded green cabbage (or other cabbage, depending on preference)
1 small carrot, shredded
2 scallions, roughly chopped
2-3 T plain nonfat yogurt (I used regular, but Greek would work as well)
1 t Thai chili sauce (or favorite hot sauce)
salt

1. Combine cabbage, carrots and scallions in a mixing bowl.
2. Stir together yogurt and chili sauce in a smaller bowl.
3. Pour sauce onto vegetables, sprinkle with salt (I just used a pinch) and toss to combine.
4. Allow to sit for at least 30 minutes to allow flavors to marry.

Ok, so I realize that’s not much of a recipe, but I felt that the flavor combinations were worthy of a mention.  The chili sauce gives this a nice heat without being overwhelming, and the yogurt was tangy enough for the vinegar-based salad lovers and creamy enough for the mayo lovers, so either I’m making everyone happy here or no one.

I’ll take my chances.

I topped the slaw with a jalapeno chicken sausage from Trader Joe’s, which I sliced and baked at about 425° for 10 minutes or so.

And because that only came to about 160 calories, I added a tortilla stuffed with some sauteed fajita-style vegetables.

More vegetables, FTW!

The dinner came to about 400 calories, give or take.  I’ll allow it.

I think this mayo lover is going to be ok.

Yesterday was National Peanut Butter Day!

Seriously, though, if you didn’t hear, you must live in a place with no other humans or technology (which would render reading this blog a very difficult task) because I heard it from Twitter, the radio AND Amy all before lunch.

And, because my life is merely a string of ironies, yesterday happened to be one of the approximately 11 days of the year that I didn’t have peanut butter for breakfast.  I had almond butter instead.  And for the record, I still don’t really like it.  I try to, I really do.  It just doesn’t cut it for me.

So once dinnertime rolled around, I felt that I was due some peanut butter.  But since peanut butter toast is just inappropriate for a lady to consume after a certain hour in the day (check Emily Post- I’m sure it’s mentioned somewhere there), I went a different direction.

Not Almond Butter Noodles
serves 2  (or serves me, twice)

1 1/2 cups cooked rice noodles
1 large carrot, sliced finely on the bias
1 large stalk of celery, sliced finely on the bias
1/2 medium onion, thinly sliced
1/2 cup frozen edamame
1 t vegetable oil (or other oil with a high smoke point)
2 T creamy peanut butter
2 T soy sauce
1 t fish sauce
1 t Sriracha
water, as needed (I used about 3-4 T)
salt
1/4 t garlic powder
2 scallions, chopped on the bias

1. In a small bowl, combine peanut butter, soy sauce, fish sauce and sriracha and mix. Add water 1 tablespoon at a time until it has reached a thick but liquid consistency.
2. Heat oil in a skillet or wok over high heat.
3. Once the oil begins to ripple, add carrot, celery and onion and sprinkle with a pinch of salt. Stir fry for 2-3 minutes until vegetables begin to soften but before they begin to brown.
4. Add noodles and edamame to the skillet and toss with vegetables to heat them through.
5. Add sauce, garlic powder and scallions to skillet and toss well to combine. Remove from heat once scallions begin to wilt.

I made 2 servings so that I could bring half with me to work today.

I have to say that eating this with chopsticks out of my pretty bowl was way more fun than eating it out of tupperware with a fork today.

I’m such a girl.

Nope, not cake of the dessert variety (that would involve baking and we all know that’ll only happen once I have children who require things of the sort for their birthdays- maybe).  I’m talking about savory cakes in patty form.

Crab cakes. Quinoa cakes. Couscous cakes.

Speaking of which, go and Google couscous cakes.  About 95% of your search returns will be for sweet couscous DESSERT cakes.  I’m sorry, but that just sounds sick and wrong.  To be fair, I’ve never been a fan of desserts like rice pudding, but I see no reason for those to exist.  Gross.

Back to the topic at hand.  The other night I found myself in possession of some leftover rice from family dinner night and in need of something quick to shove in my face before heading to a work event.

Obviously, my mind went to cakes.  Quick cooking, few ingredients, simple and healthy.  Done.

I was tempted to call these rice cakes, but every time I did, I kept thinking about flavorless crackers.  This girl does not do flavorless crackers.  I may watch my weight from time to time, but I’m not THAT much of a masochist.

So, I’m going to be ironic and call them rice patties. GET IT? Like a rice paddy?

Sometimes it hurts to be so clever.

Rice Patties
serves 1

3/4 cup cooked brown rice
1 medium scallion, chopped (mine was already mixed in with my leftover rice)
1 large egg white
1-2 T breadcrumbs (or flour- this will make the patties a little denser, but they’ll hold together better)
garlic salt and pepper, to taste
cooking spray

1. Mix rice, scallions and egg white in a medium bowl.
2. Add flour 1 tablespoon at a time until the mix starts to come together a bit (it will still look a little runny- you just want to be able to form it in your hands).
3. Season with garlic salt and pepper. I used about 1/8 t each.
4. Spray a non-stick skillet with cooking spray and heat over medium heat.
5. Divide rice mixture into 2 portions and form into patties by pressing between your palms. Carefully place them in skillet and cook for 3-4 minutes per side.

I made up another batch of these to bring for lunch yesterday before work.  In all, it took less than 10 minutes.  I realize that I’m a total weirdo for cooking in the morning before work, but if it it only takes 5 or 6 minutes I think it’s excusable.

At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

If I had more time (and ingredients) I think these would be awesome with toppings.  Maybe some sour cream and more scallions, perhaps some smoked salmon, or even in place of an english muffin for eggs benedict.

What I’m saying is this: that Patty, she’s a versatile girl.  Quick and easy, too.

No, I wasn’t afforded a long weekend or win any money (although if anyone has some extra laying around, I’ll take it).

What I did get this week was two nights of blogger fun.

Last night, Molly and I met up for a long overdue dinner in my neighborhood.  Seeing as this was the first time we actually met IN PERSON like normal people, it felt a little like a really great first date.

Right, Molly?  I think I like you.  Shoot … play it cool, Megan.  I’m breezy!

As if that wasn’t enough, tonight, Amy and Bailey came over for a little lesson in seafood.

You see, Amy has been under the impression that it requires great skill and preparation to cook fish at home.

I was on a mission to prove her wrong.

I grew up on broiled salmon, and I’ve yet to find a simpler and more foolproof way to cook it.  You can see how I do it here.

I threw the filets under the broiler, and 8 minutes later we sat down to this:

I switched out the tarragon with seasoned salt, garlic powder and chili powder to spice up the salmon.  On the side: roasted broccoli and brown rice with scallions.

It was very elegant of us, now that I think about it.  That’s how we bloggers do.

Whoever said internet (friend) dating doesn’t work is a chump.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I seem to have more difficulty coming up with a reasonable, balanced meal when I have lots of options.

Sure, I’ll have some cheese and crackers, followed by roasted veggies and then maybe some pasta!  Oh, and I’ll probably crank out some kale chips and a piece of garlicy naan for good measure, right before I eat a few of those peppermint pretzel thins.  You know, because they compliment each other.  And because I need to use up ALL THE FOOD, obviously.

It’s a sickness.

Anyway, I’m trying to keep things under control this week.  So I decided that since I’ve got everything I need for a healthy Mexican, vegetarian dinner, that I would just own it and make a fajita/burrito.

That would be a wrapped fajita, in case I wasn’t clear.

But because I had TOO many options, instead of making a bean and veggie fajita/burrito like a normal person, I roasted the beans on the side.

I rinsed a can of cannellini beans and roasted them up (per this method).

Then I sauteed julienned onions, carrots and bell peppers with some frozen corn and a few minced cloves of garlic in a little olive oil, put the veggies in a tortilla and topped it with some avocado and salsa.

So, it was a deconstructed bean burrito if you will.

And it made me feel like I was making more than one dish, which eased my somewhat unbalanced psyche.

Plus, it was in line with my new week’s resolution!

I might be weird, but I’m accomplishing a lot of goals over here, people.  I think I’ll sleep easy tonight.

I was feeling a little queasy throughout the week last week, even after I had returned to work, so I kept things simple.  I let myself sleep as much as possible, I passed on working out and I didn’t cook anything (well, besides a quesadilla) pretty much all week long.

Don’t get me wrong- I tried to keep things under control, but I wasn’t exactly focused on spending time in the kitchen and filling my plate with vegetables and lean meat.

I’m not much for new year’s resolutions, for the obvious reasons. With all the build-up and unrealistic expectations, they almost always result in failure.  If I know it’s going to fail, why bother in the first place?

So, I’m making it my “new week’s resolution” this week to focus on not filling up on crap.  A week?  I think I can do that.

This afternoon I had a work event in my neighborhood.  After the event, I headed to a diner with some coworkers to grab lunch.  Diner menus are massive and filled with things like chocolate drizzled waffles, cheese stuffed dough and sandwiches that come with 4 sides, but I managed to use all of my willpower and order a salad with chicken, avocado, bell pepper and bacon.  The bacon wasn’t negotiable- I was in a diner, after all.

Does anyone else feel an immediate sense of regret when ordering a salad off a big menu?  Don’t get me wrong, I love a salad as much as the next girl, but salads can be sort of generic.  There’s part of me that always feels like I could’ve just saved the salad to make at home and I should’ve gone with the house specialty.

Ah, well.  Good thing I ordered before there was time for the regret to sink in.

I spent the rest of the day working from home and ohhh, the snacks.  They beckoned to me.  I don’t know how people who work from home full-time do it.  I would have to put a lock on the snack drawer.

I managed to redeem myself with this simple dinner:

I roasted like it was going out of style.  Cauliflower, brussels sprouts, potatoes and cannellini beans made up a nice square meal on one baking sheet.

Day #1 down, #6 to go.  Wish me luck, it could be a long week.

Of my family located in the Chicago area, six of us fell to the plague and I’ve infected at least one friend (hi, Alison! Hope you’re enjoying the puke-fest!).

By now, I’m more or less back up and running, but for the last 48+ hours, I’ve eaten exactly this:

a bagel with cream cheese and lox (pre-puking, obviously)
a ginger ale
a handful of Trader Joe’s wheat thins
a piece of frozen, plain naan from Trader Joe’s with butter
a piece of toast with peanut butter (at work! while wearing pants with a zipper!)
half a container of tomato soup
some plain Pop Chips

Are you sensing a theme?  Pretty boring and bland.  I’m bored just reading it.

But I’ve been keeping food down for about 36 of those hours and seem to actually be getting a bit of an appetite back.

So tonight, I think I’m going to make Mexican food.

Because that’s a smart thing to do.  Plus I like to live on the edge.  Especially when it comes to my stomach.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Here’s hoping I don’t induce Pukapocolypse 2.0.

Game on, digestive tract. Game on.

I love scouring the menu on the internet before I get there, I love settling in to a cozy booth with a bread basket, and I even love sitting at the bar with a cocktail while waiting for a table.

But sometimes there’s nothing better than having someone bring food over to enjoy with a glass (read: entire bottle) of wine.

On Friday, my dear friend Vassaly proposed a dinner in and said she’d bring the food.

The girl knows what I like.

Fig preserves, because we’re fancy.

A pear.  I sliced it myself!  I can be helpful sometimes.

I also decided that I’d better throw in some bacon wrapped dates for when she arrived, because who doesn’t like stepping into an apartment that smells like bacon and hugs?

We had a goat gouda, a blue cheese and a brie log, plus salami and prosciutto with crackers.

I’d say it tasted better with the company, too.  Thanks, Vass!

Not every day can be wine and cheese Friday, though.  I was back to my standard whole grain/veggie dinner last night.

There may have been some leftover blue cheese in the sauce I made for my pasta, though.

No point in going cold turkey, right?

I’m still alive.  I avoided my computer like the plague while I was off of work, except for some funny YouTube video viewing, so you’ll please excuse my prolonged absence.

In lieu of giving you my New Year’s resolutions (because I, um, haven’t gotten that far yet), and thanks to my friend Chrissy for the special request, I figured I’d share with you some favorite dishes that came out of my kitchen during 2011.

(Maybe my resolution for 2012 should be to stop using run-on sentences.  Jeez.)

Without further ado, and in no particular order, I give you BTR’s “Top Ten from Twenty Eleven”:

1. Cheesy Butternut Squash Pasta

And under 300 calories a pop. Quite a feat, if I do say so myself.

2. Chicken Shepherd’s Pie

Not your British grandma’s dinner.

3. Hot (Wing) Potatoes

also see: Southwestern Loaded Potatoes

I like putting things in potatoes, apparently.

4. Butternut Squash Quinoa Risotto with Bacon and Kale

Long name, but worth it.

5. Pancetta Brussels Sprout Mac

A classic. I could probably eat this every day.

6. Cheesy Mashed Cauliflower

Not a substitute for mashed potatoes, but just as good.

7. Sausage and Caramelized Onion Tacos

Simple, yet so good.

8. Springtime Stuffed Chicken

Yeah, it’s good during any season, I was just being kitschy.

9. Green Chili Enchiladas

I made these vegetarian, but you could add chicken or beef in place of the black beans.  Just don’t be a hater and leave the cheese out, k?

10. Sweet and Sour Braised Cabbage

I figured I should round this list out with something braised.  But it’s good, I promise.

And with that, I bid 2011 adieu.  It was a bit of a rollercoaster of a year for me, but it’s good to see that my kitchen didn’t really suffer for it.

Here’s to lots more recipes in 2012!

I guess I haven’t blogged in a while, but it’s only because I’ve been busy getting sh*t done.  I actually managed to finish my Christmas shopping ahead of schedule this year AND wrap all my gifts WHILE watching Love Actually.

It’s not Christmas until I’ve watched Love Actually.  And it’s the first time in probably 10 years that I haven’t left my wrapping until Christmas Eve.

My uncle Paul also volunteered his day today (while I’m at work) to come to my parents’ house and have a Scandinavian bake-off with my mom.  I hear there may be a kringle appearance and I’m so excited about it I could pee.

Raise your hand if you’ve had kringle before.  I hope you’re sitting at your computer with your hand in the air like a nerd right now, but if not, this is what it looks like:

(source)

And yes, that’s an acceptable breakfast food at Christmas.  Or whenever.  Just so we’re clear.

Oh and apparently there’s a butter shortage in Norway.  This means there’s only one thing to do.  We Norwegian Americans need to pick up the slack and make even MORE buttery cookies this year.

In other news, please send clothing in bigger sizes.